Jagged Edges
by FreeingAlys
Summary: COMPLETE! It's funny how much someone can change in two years. Liley.
1. Desperate

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **This is a bit different, and my first M rated story. Please tell me what you think-maybe in a nice way? That would be nice for me, thank you.

**1. Desperate**

It's funny how much a person can change in only two years. Two years ago I was the Miley Stewart that everyone loved, I knew who I was and I had it all. Now, I'm a shell of that person. I'm twisted and obscene and I hate every minute of being The New Miley.

Now, I'm sitting against the bathroom door, staring at my bare legs. Tears are streaming down my face, but all I really want to do is scream. But I can't. Because if I scream, that would mean I would have to make noise, I would have to make myself noticed.

I can't be noticed in that way. Because if I am I would have to explain it, and I can't. Iglance down at my right hand, at the razor and I shake my head. I wish I could travel back to two years ago, back to The Old Miley. I miss her.

Lifting my right hand I bring the razor to my outer thigh. I take a deep breath, close my eyes shut tightly and then rip the metal down my leg. I gasp at the sting and ultmatially at the pain that I don't feel and drop the razor. It clings as it hits the ground and I stare at it, blood covering the edges.

More tears spill down my cheeks as I glance the wound. It's deeper then the other ones that I had made and I wonder how I did it. I move my leg as blood tinkles down towards my hip. Leaning my head against the bathroom door I close my eyes again and try to remember the last day that I had been The Old Miley.

It was raining. Lily and I were in my Hannah closet, trying on clothes and goofing around. Just like we always did. But then Lily's face grew serious and she stared at me for a long time, when I finally asked her what she did soemthign I hadn't ever expected. She quickly pecked my on my lips, and it made my skin crawl, but in a good way.

We were sophomores. I was just finding out new things about myself, like that fact that I loved old movies and Redvine licorice. But I guess Lily was finding new things out about herself oto. And I wans't ready to explore any of that. I was still hurting over Jake Ryan, even though we had ended a year before and I was okay about it. But his ache was still there in my heart.

When Lily pulled away from me I gasped and shook my head. Right away Lily freaked. She cursed a couple of times, leapt off the floro and out of my house. I didn't see her for a week. She had spent the large amount of her time avoiding me. When she did finally sit next to me at lunch, I ignored it. I went on long nothing had happened and soon after Lily slipped into the same pattern.

But in the end, I always trace it back to that rainy day when Lily first kissed me as being the last day as The Old Miley. After that it seemed like I changed. That kiss caused a drift in my world. The songs I wrote for Hannah became slower and sadder. I could no longer think of jokes or laugh like I did before. I forgot to spend that extra hour a day on homework. Things just sort of untangled in my world.

Then it just got worse. I was home alone, trying to read a book for English, but failing everytime I would open the book. My mind kept flickering back to that kiss and the look on Lily's face and that feeling I got. That skin crawling feeling. I paced around my room a few times. But it didn't help, I just kept getting more and more anxious.

Finally, I went into the bathroom to splash water on my face. As I was scooping water up quickly I dinged my wrist on the faucet. It hurt at first. It was the initial reaction, but then the hurt went away and there was a numb feeling, and then I took a deep breath. The first deep rbeath that I had managed all night.

A calming feeling washed over me and the panic attack went away. And just like that it played out. I seemed to leave my body, I was just soaring above my head as I made my way to my bedroom and reached for my craft box Grandpa had made me. I pulled out my exacto knife, pulled out the razor. Then without rationalizing or thinking about it, I pulled it along the inside of my wrist.

The blood took awhile, but it finally came out. It leaked out of the small cut and dripped off of my wrist and onto the stonewashed jeans that I was wearing. I sighed and it all felt better. It all went away. No more Lily. No more kissing. No more crawling feeling. It all went away. Just like that.

"Bud? You in there?" I jump slightly as Dad knocks on the bathroom door, interrupting my memories.

"Y-yeah!" I say as I leap off the floor, quickly picking up my razor with me.

"Dinner is done." Dad says and then I hear him walk over, humming a new Hannah song he wrote.

I pull toilet paper off the roll and quickly clean the razor and the blood off the medium brown tile that makes up mine and Jackson's bathroom. I flush it down the toilet and run the facet. I wipe at my cut with fresh water, until the bleeding stops and then wash my hands.

I avoid glancing up at my reflection the whole time. To embarrassed and ashamed to stare at myself. I was never the girl who would do that, or act like that. Yet I was.

I turn towards the door open it slightly, glance in both directions to see if Dad or Jackson are around. They aren't. So I slip out of the bathroom and race down the hall to my room, feeling naked, just knowing that my wound is exposed.

I shut my bedroom door behind me, pull on jeans and fluff my hair with my fingers. I have to look like Miley and act like Miley when I walk back down the stairs and join my family for dinner. Everything has to be perfect. And I have to be perfect.

As I reach the staircase and slowly walk down each step I grimace at my methods of living. I'm halfway down the staircase when I realize that I hate myself and the way that I live and I wish that I could stop. Yet somehow I just don't.


	2. Uncoiled

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **This is a bit different, and my first M rated story. Please tell me what you think-maybe in a nice way? That would be nice for me, thank you.

**2. Uncoiled**

"Hey, what's going on?" I glance up from my Algebra book and watch Lily sit next to me in the library. I had been sitting in the same position for almost two hours, trying to memorize the stupid algebraic equations that would for sure be on the test. It was hardly working though, all I could think about was bathrooms and razors. The thoughts wouldn't go away.

"Studying." I tell Lily and she nods at me. I notice that she is wearing a light shade of red lip stick and her cheeks seem to be redder then usual. She is also wearing hip hugger jeans and a more tight fitting tee shirt. Althought Lily still skates and hangs out with boys as friends, she has shifted her outfits. She dresses more femine now.

"Oh." Lily leans close to me and I smell the vanilla sugar lotion that she had applied ot her skin that morning. I breath her in and for a split second I think back to that kiss and I wonder why she did it. I've just been too scared to ask her.

"What about you?" I asked scooting away from Lily, too scared to be close to her. I didn't want to have that feeling again and I didn't want to have to lock myself in a bathroom stall, all alone.

Lily shrugs her shoulders and looks at me in a lazy way. "Nothing. Just bugging Oliver and now you." She says and then laughs. It bubbles in the back of her throat and then breaks the air, and I am surprised. I never realized how her laugh sounded before and it makes my stomach roll around.

"Oh." I say, not sure what else to really do.

Lily furrows her eyebrows at me and shrugs her shoulders. "Are you okay?" She asks and I want to tell her. I want to tell her I can't stop thinking about the kiss and I want to know what she thinkgs, I want to tell her that I do that thing…the one I can't admit to. But I know I can't. It's too hard.

"Nothing." I settle with and I know Lily doesn't buy it. She is my best friend after all, she knows everything about me.

"Okay. I have to go." She says and stands out of the chair. She smiles at me and then does something I wish she wouldn't. She lowers her hand down onto my bare arm and smiles at me. "Later." She whispers then she glances down at my arm, the one she is still touching, and a look passes over her face. I want to ask her what she is thinking but I don't. I can't think when she is touching me.

Lily walks away, her hips swinging from side to side. My breath grows hallow and my skin is starting to crawl again. "Shit." I mumble to myself. I close my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts again, but fail horribly at it. I can't gather anything.g No senses, not thoughts, not reality.

The out of body feeling passes over me again and I try to rbeath. I rock myself back and forth in the wooden chair, trying to make it go away, I try to settle it. But it doesn't work, it never does. I try to resort to anything else…anything but that. But it doesn't work. The disease works its way inside of me and I can't stop it.

I stand up quickly, grab my book and dart towards the first girl's bathroom that I can find. I lock the stale, drop my math book to the ground, and close my eyes. "It's fine." I mumble to myself over and over again. But it does nothing. It never does.

I grab the razor out of my bag and then shut my eyes.

When I open my eyes again, I'm crying and there is blood all over my hands. I shake my head, upset and sick feeling. I glance at my cell and realize that I'm five minutes late to my last class of the day. I quickly clean myself up and race out of the bathroom and towards my last class.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

"You okay?" I feel like screaming again, it's the second time that question has popped out of her mouth in one day.

"Sure." I say not looking at Lily, I just can't anymore.

"Miley, I'm not stupid." Lily fights and then I glance up at her. Of course she isn't stupid, I wouldn't ever think that about her.

"Of course not." I tell her, no longer speaking like myself. It's all part of the disease. The thing that changed me and turned me into The New Miley.

"Everyone is worried about you. Robby Ray told me-" Lily starts, but I won't let her finish. I'm too mad.

"What?" I ask her sitting up in the passenger side of her car.

Lily looks away from me and then back again. "We're worried." She presses again. "Me, Robby Ray, Jackson, Oliver…" Lily says and I shake my head.

They had all been plotting behind my back, saying things. Thinking I'm insane. But the thing is I am insane. They just can't know about it. "Shut up." I whisper as tears sting my eyes.

"Mile." Lily touches and I flinch.

"Lily." I glance at her, the tears now falling down my face. "What happened that day?" I finally ask, anything to distract her. And I want to know the answer.

Lily clears her throat and she doesn't look at me. I know she's scared, I can sense it in her. "I don't know." She finally whispers.

"You confused me." I admit and I touched the place on my jeans, the place where my latest wound is. I think about telling her, letting her know. But I can't. It's too hard.

"I'm sorry." Lily looks at me now and I notice that she glances at my lips before she looks at my eyes. "I just…like you." She says and my heart beats fast and then faster. She likes me. Lily, my best friend, likes me.

"What?" I ask as I try to backtrack, I try to make sense out of all of it.

"I like you Miley." She says again, just changing the words, but not adding anything more. No more explaination.

"Oh." I say, so unsure of what to say.

Lily flashes me a small smile and slowly leans towards me, I can smell that lotion again and I can hear her breath. "Is it okay?" Lily asks and I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's okay, I don't kow anything.

"Sure." I say anyway, I just want to put it to rest.

Lily presses her lips against mine, I taste that new lipstick she has on, and I like it. My skin crawls, my stomach dances and I think about the razor in my bag again. Our lips break apart for a split second, just long enough for us to take a breath until Lily presses her lips against my again. I don't open my mouth, I just sit there letting Lily kiss me.

I feel my hands start to shake, so bad I can't stop it. My heart beats fast and I can't breath anymore. I pull away from Lily and I let out a groan, a noise I couldn't control. I feel the panic attack rise to my thorugh and I feel like throwing up. "Are you okay?" I glance at Lily and fake a smile at her.

"Yeah. I have to go." I slide out of Lily's car and race towards my front door.

I run into my house and dart to my bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I'm glade that Dad and Jackson aren't around. With shaking hands I pull out the razor and let out a sigh. It'll be over soon.


	3. Release

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Another update! I just couldn't stop writing. :)

**3. Release**

It smells like metal. I had never noticed it. Not until now anyway. The razor is at my side again, but this time I'm in the very corner of my bedroom. Jackson is in the shower and I couldn't stop it before it came. It just rushed over me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I forced myself into the very corner of my closet-the regular Miley Stewart version.

I'm in the corner, my jeans around my ankles and blood is smeared everywhere. It's on my outer thigh, my hands, the wall beside me and the razor. It smells like metal. I cringe as I glance back down at my wound, it's a littler deeper then the last really deep one that I had made. It scared me. The way I couldn't feel anything, or the way that I dind't know what I was doing. Not really anymore. I just did it and it was deep and it stung, but the attack went away and I could think straight again.

I start crying and I wipe at my face, but that only smears the blood and it makes me cry more. "Fuck." I wipe the blood on the carpet, wipe at my wound and then pull my jeans back up. I had to be quick, I knew it when I went into it.

I wipe my razor off and leave it in the corner, the spot seemed to work. Maybe it'll do the same next time. Next time. I bite back a laugh as I realize I don't ever plane on stopping. Everytime I have an attack, everytime I want to hurt. It's what's going to happen. I'm not going to stop it.

I crawl out of my closet and walk to my bed, where my cell phone is sitting. Lily told me call her, she left a message, she sounded distant and desperate. The way that my own thoughts in my head sound like. I pick up my phone and dial Lily's number. I don't know what the hell I'm going to say to her, but I owe her the phone call back. "Hey." Lily picks up and she sounds a little upbeat.

"Hi." I say and I wait for her to say something. I wait for her to make sense out of what happened in her car.

"I'm sorry." She finally says and I don't understand what she's saying. I stand up, flinching at the new wound hurts and I pace my room.

"Why?" I asked her trying to get inside of Lily's mind.

"For everyting." Lily says simply and I realize that she isn't going to elaborate.

"It's fine…I mean you didn't do anything." I try, but I don't think I got through to her. I like her. I like seeing her, listening to her, being around her, kissing her.

"Mile…" Lily whispers and I know that she is begging for somethingn, anything to give this sense.

"I like you too Lily." I say back, it's the only thing I can thing of to say that will make her feel at ease.

Lily laughs and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. "What is this then?" She asks and I shrug my shoulders, even thought she can't see me.

"I don't know." I reply. I don't know how to make sense out of it. Everything was riding high, until she kissed me and then the disease took over. Now everything is confusing and messy. I think about to the car and what she said to me. I hadn't been able to get it out of my mind. "What were you saying about my dad, before?" I ask and Lily takes in a sharp breath.

"He says you spend a lot of time in the bathroom and he doesn't know why." Lily tells me and I curse mentally to myself. I knew he would catch on sooner or later. "What do you do in there?" Lily asks me and I don't know if I should tell her the truth or not. I don't know if I even could. "Miley?"

I realize that I've been quiet for a couple of minutes and Lily is catching on. "Nothing." I say and I know that Lily is shaking her head at me.

"Seriously Miley are you okay? This isn't because of me, is it?" She asks, her voice growing low and deep.

"No. It was before that." I start, but I stop myself as I realize I almost told her. I almost let it spill.

"Let's meet." Lily suggests and it sounds like a good idea, anything to take the heat off of me.

"Okay." I smile as I hang up my phone, but I still dn't know what to make of me and Lily.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

"What kind of lip gloss is that?" Lily asks as she pulls away from me, a smile on her face.

"Cherry." I tell Lily and she nods her head.

"I like it." She tells me and I smile back at her. I like that.

"Okay." I say and this time I am the one who kisses Lily. She groans into my mouth and I feel good for the first time in weeks. We understand each other and we are on stable ground, the bast place that we have been for a long time.

Lily pulls back from me and she smiles at me, her blue eyes sparkling. "This is good." She whispers and then she starts to kiss me on my neck. My hands shake as she moves long my jawline and neck, I want to pull away and tell her to slow down, but I love the feeling too much.

I bite down on my tongue, causing myself pain and I feel an urge to be in my closest again with just my razor. I bite down harder on my tongue until I taste salt and by this time Lily is back up at my face, kissing my cheeks and forehad. "You okay?" Lily mumbles near my ear. "Are you biting your tongue?" Lily asks pulling away form me, an expression on her face. One I couldn't quite read.

I release my tongue and quickly shake my head. "No." I pull Lily close to me and I breathe her in. She smells like rain forest shampoo this time. I close my eyes and think back to her bathroom and what it looks like. I imagine myself in there and the feeling comes over my again.

"O-okay." Lily says shakily and I know that I am scaring her. But it's not like I can really help it. I'm just scary now.

I open my eyes back up, push the thoughts out of my mind and smile at Lily. "You smell good." I mumble and then I kiss her on her mouth again not giving her a chance to answer.

I push my tongue into her mouth, for the first time, and I run my hands along her sides. Lily follows my lead and drops her hands to my thighs. She rubs my outer area and then she pauses and grabs onto me as I kiss her harder.

She presses into my wounds and it hurts, mor ehtne it ever had before. And she's touching them, she is causing me pain. I jump back quickly and off of her bed. I touch my legs and close my eyes. "Miley, seriously what's wrong?" Lily asks and I hear her stand off her bed.

I open my eyes and Lily is standing in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest. "N-nothing. I just need to get back. I have homework." I say, my lie sounding lame and stupid coming from me. I could never lie very well.

"Fine." She says, she thinks it's about her. She thinks I don't like her, but I do.

"I like you Lily." I say, just to let her know.

She glances at me and a smile plays on her lips. "Then stay." She urges me. She walks over to me and places her hands on my hips, just above my jeans.

But I can't even if it wasn't because of the diease or because of the fact that Hannah has a concert tomorrow night, and I need to go over the song list with Dad. "I have stuff to do. Hannah concert tomorrow. Coming?" I ask her, hoping she'll say yes. I always love to see her as Lola.

"Of course." Lily smiles at me and kisses me on the lips again. "Maybe we can actually _talk_about this tomorrow." She says hinting at the fact that all we did in the last hour I had been in her bedroom had been kissing and running our hands through each other's hair.

"Okay." I breathe out, her shampoo scent still in my noise. "See you." I cross her room, leave quickly and race out of her room, to scared that if I stop for a moment I'll go running back into her room and I won't stop what I want to do.

HMHMHMHM

"So it's Nobody's Perfect, This Is the Life, True Friend, Rockstar, Bigger Then Us, Best Of Both Worlds and then we'll finish with that new song you wrote. " I watch as Dad glances down at the notepad in front of him and I nod my head. Hannah business has grown boring lately and I can hardly concentrate when he talks about it.

"I've got it Daddy." I promise and he smiles at me.

"Okay. You go get some rest, big show tomorrow. Is Lily coming?" Dad asks as I slide off the couch and turn towards that staircase.

"Yes." I answer him and I smile spreads over my face. I can hardly wait to see her again.

"Good. You doing okay?" Dad asks and I think back to what Lily told me and I promise myself to not do it in the bathroom anymore.

"Sure." I answer him and then I walk up to my room quickly, not wanting to accidently say something that will rat myself out.

I reach my bedroom, shut my door behind me and then I crawl into my closet. I don't really need to do it, but I just want to feel safe. And the feeling of the cold metal in my hands makes me feel safe. I feel tears spring into my eyes and I think back to my fourteen year old self and I miss her. I want to be The Old Miley again, but I don't even remember where she is. So it's impossible to think I'll be her again.

I clasp my hand around the razor and I let the tears fall down my face. "It's fine." I mumble to myself, but I know it's a waste of breath to tell myself that. I never believe it.

Without thinking I quickly pulled my shirt up and then started running the razor along my side. It stings and then burns, but I smile, liking the fact that the thoughts have left my mind now. I open my eyes and stare at the damage. It's a small wound, it won't be visible for too long.

I drop my shirt and stare blankly ahead of me, Lily pops into my mind and I just can't wait to see her again. She will distract me and I'll kiss her and not think about the razor or anything. It'll be a release.


	4. Mindless

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.

**  
**

**4. Mindless**

We're standing in Hannah Montana's dressing room. Lily as Lola is smiling at me, Miley as Hannah. She is wearing a bright red wig, and all black clothing with red jewelery to accent. We've been standing in the same positions since we had arrived, I glance at the clock above Lily and realize Hannah has ten more minutes.

"What are we doing?" Lily asks me and I shrug my shoulders. I have no idea, we just walked into the dressing room and stood there. I was unabvle to move, I didn't know what I wanted to do, or not do.

"I don't know." I say and then I quickly walk over to the couch and plop down on it, the wig falling over my shoulders.

Lily sits next to me and my heart starts to beat faster. I try to think of soemting to discus, since that was what we had agreed to. We needed to talk. I just didn't have any idea as to what we needed to talk about. "I don't know what to talk about." I admit and Lily laughs, making my stomach flop all over the place.

"Me either." She agrees. I glance at her and I realize how different she really looks as Lola. She seems more bright nad brave, the same way I feel as Hannah.

"So let's not talk." I tell her and I lean close to her. I smile and then lock my lips with her own. I run my hands all over her and then without thinking I push her into the corner of the couch.

"What are we doing?" Lily ask as we separate to catch our breaths.

I smile at Lily as I search my mind for answer, but I don't have one. I just want to kiss her and touch her, it's the only thing that's been making any sense. "I don't fucking know." I answer and I kiss her again, and this time Lily welcomes it more.

Lily pushes her tongue past my lips and kiss me hard, but I like the way it feels. I fiddle with hem on Lily's skirt as she runs her hands up and down the front of my torso. "Hannah! Two minutes until showtime!" Dad yells at me from the other side of the door. I leap off of Lily and quickly fix myself, trying to look presentable to the world.

"Go kick some serious ass." Lily tells me smilng at me from the corner of the couch.

"Okay." I promise and I turn on my heel and quickly race out of the dressing room, ready to rock out on stage as myself and Hannah.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Sweat is running down my face, but I don't care. I race back into my dressing room where I know Lily is still waiting. I close the door, lock it and smile at her. Lily is sprawled out on the couch and I know we have ten more minutes before will come knocking on the door again. It always takes him ten minutes to get ready to leave. "Nice show." Lily tells me as I quickly walk towards her.

"Thank you." I kiss her and drop on the couch, feeling like I'm in heaven again.

Lily pulls back and laughs. "You're fun." She tells me and I feel good about that. I like that she likes me.

"Thank you." I mumble and I pull her close to me again. I start kissing her hard, not knowing what I really want. I just want to be close to her, I want to feel whole like I did that day in her car.

Lily raises her hands to my shoulders and lightly pushes me back. "You okay?" She whispers and I roll my eyes.

"You ask that again…" I say and then I kiss her again.

Lily kisses me bak and for a split second we are moving with each other. Lily is running her handsin my hair and I hands are resting in her inner thighs. We kiss each other until we can't breath any longer and then we pull away. I'm smiling and Lily is laughing and we know that it's the best we are ever going to feel. "I really like you." I mumble and I kiss Lily's forehead, knowing our ten minutes are almost up.

Lily nods her head, stands up and that serious look passes over her face. "What are we doing?" She asks again and this time I know that she wants a real answer, she wants something to live by.

I shrug my shoulders and glance at her. She looks confused and scared and I have never seen Lily look like that before. "Let's just not stress this. We are having fun and exploring our feelings. Let's not push anything until we actually feel something real." I say, not knowing what else to say. I don't want this to be real in this moment, I don't any labels or confusion. I just want to go on my feelings and nothing else at all.

"Fine by me." Lily agrees and we walk out of the dressing room, smiling ear to ear.

HMHMHMHMHM

I feel completely mindless. I'm passing around my room, trying to ward off another panic attack. My hands are shaking and I can't breath. I keep glancing at my closet, just beggin myself to allow myself to go in there. But I don't want to do it. For the first time since I started, I dn't want to do it. I just want to be normal and healthy. I don't want more secrets.

I gasp for air and clasp my hands together, trying to make it go away on my own, but it's not helping. I run my hands through my hair and glance at my closet. "What the fuck ever." I mumble to myself and I walk over to it quickly.

Shaking from head to toe I crawl in it and fit myself in to the very corner. I take the razor in my hand tightly and try to figure eout what to do with it. I'm too lazy to pull down my pants and do it wehre it makes since. I just want to result.

I rest my wrist on my knee and hold the razor to it. I take a couple of breaths and start to feel the relief by the razor just being propped on my pale skin. I push down hard and then quickly run it down my wrist. I make a weird noise that I can't name and watch as the blood starts to trickle down my arm.

I shut my eyes and lean my head back, just willing that I really didn't do it. I shake my head, wishing I was with Lily or Oliver, or with anyone, just not to be alone. I open my eyes again as the wound starts to sting, the pain finally catching up with me. I glance down at it again and feel sick to my stomach.

I pull at a hoodie in my closet and quickly pull it on, not even wanting to look at the wound being all alone. I shake my head and toss the razor down. I crawl out of my closet, not feeling panic rush through me, but feeling like shit and completely depressed.

Standing off of my knees I walked to my phone and then dropped it again as I realized what time it is, two-thirty in the morning. I sit on my bed and try to imagine myself sleeping, it couldn't hurt. Btu the thing that was keeping me awake the most was the tought of waking up in the morning and fully realizing what I just did.

I fall back down on my bed and without wanting it, I feel sleep rush over me. While closing my eyes I picture my dad, Jackson, Lily and Oliver. They would all be disspointed if they new. To them I am still that perfect Miley that I was at fourteen and I don't want that to ever change for them.


	5. Insane

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews! They mean a lot to me. I hope you continue reading. :)

**5. Insane**

I feel like telling Lily that I made a mistake. I want to tell her I'm confused and maybe I'm just with her to subdue my insane feelings and to make sense of that thing that I do. But I really can't. Lily is staring up at me with wide eyes and she looks content and happy. I can't break the spell. But it's not like I really want to do that anyway.

I love being with her, I love kissing her, I love being the one for her. "This is great." She mumbles as she turns her head and burrows her head into the sheets. We have been laying in her bed for hours, just passing our Saturday.

I smile to myself and nod. It might have been confusing, my I enjoyed the night before at the Hannah and concert and today it was no different. I want to tell Lily I made a mistake, but I would be lying to her. "I know." I agree softly.

Lily suddenly pops up in her bed, a smile on her face. "Let's do something. I mean this is nice…but I'm restless now." She tells me and a faint smile passes on my lips. She reminds me of myself, when I can't help myself doing it.

"Sure." I agree, my response barely audible.

Lily laughs and slides off of her bed. "What should we do?" She asks me and I shrug my shoulders. I have no idea, I'm not exactly the idea of fun as of lately.

"I don't know." I mumble and I walk up next to her. "Maybe we should go hang out with Oliver at the beach. Like the old days." I say and Lily jumps up in the air quickly and then back down.

"Awesome. Great idea." She grabs my wrist, the one I destroyed the night before, and pulls me out of her room. I hold my breath the whole time, just praying she doesn't notice it.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

"Oliver!" Lily jumps at him as he's sitting at Rico's eating a hot dog.

Oliver turns towards us and smiles. He looks the same as he did as when he was fourteen, the only difference about him now that he's sixteen is his hair. He cut it last summer and he looks completely different. "Hey Lily, Miley." Oliver greets us, and then he polishes off his hot dog. "What's going on with you two?" He asks and I know he's hinting at us to tell him why we've been so distant from him. But I'm not going to say anything.

"Nothing." Lily mumbles as she scoots into the stool next to Oliver. She smiles at me and pats at the space next to her and I sit down. I smile to myself as I set my arms on the counter.

"Well I have been doing nothing but hanging out with Mary, she rocks." I shake my head as Oliver dives into yet another conversation about his girlfriend of two months, Mary Vega. She is a year older then us and beautiful. So of course Oliver can't help but be in love with her.

"Sounds like you two are it for each other." I hear Lily says and I glance over at her, trying to read her face. I wonder who the person is that she invisions for herself. Me? Another girl? A boy?

"She rocks. And speaking of, I have to go. I promised we would watch a marathon today together." Oliver rolls his eyes and then runs off, into the direction of the small neighborhood just off the beach, mine included.

"So that was short." Lily mumbles turning to face me.

I glance up at her and notice that her hair is falling along the counter, I feel like running my hands through it. But I don't know if I'm really allowed to do that. "It was." I agree, my voice sounding meek and pathetic. Not like the voice I used to have.

Lily furrows her eyebrows at me and shrugs her shoulders, she looks insanly confused and I realize I'm the reason for it. "You okay?" She asks and I quickly nod. Of course I am. I have to be.

"Yeah." I stretch out my arms, just wanting to move to break this feeling. I don't want Lily to stare at me and wonder what the hell is wrong, I just to be. I want to act careless and laugh all the time, the way I used to. The way that we used to.

"What happened?" I realize that I'm staring ahead of me so I glance at my side at Liy. She is glancing downwards and I follow her gaze. I gasp as I realize that my wrist had slide out of my sleeve after I stretched my arm out.

"N-nothing." I quickly say, pulling my sleeve back over my wrist. I try to come up with a lame excuss that she'll buy, because I know she won't let it go. Who in their right mind would?

"Miley, what happened?" Lily tries again, sounding more aggressive about it.

I glance at her and notice that she wants an answer. The real answer. She wants me to tell her about all the hours spent in my bathroom and my closet. She wants me to spill my guts out to her. But I can't. I just can't do it. "I have to go." I mumble and I race off into the direction of my house, that feeling creeping into my skin again. It's itching at me worse then it ever has before.

HMHMHMHMHM

Dinner is really quite tonight. Dad is picking at the sandwhich that he made and not really noticing me or Jackson sitting with him. I sigh, hoping it doesn't have to do with me or Hannah and then take a bite of my own sandwich, but it feels like sawdust in my mouth. Bland and tasteless.

"So one of my Professors may like to cause human pain." Jackson jokes and I laugh, just for his benefit. He is in college now and he loves every minute of it.

"Why do you say that?" Dad says, breaking the quite spell and I let out a sigh, feeling better.

Jackson shrugs, takes a bit of his sandwich and then swallows it down. "She loves to give us five page long papers every single weekend." He says and I smile. I wish my biggest problem was that right now. Not Lily or her knowing about my thing. Or maybe she doesn't, maybe she hasn't put it together. She might not have. But I know she has, it kind of spells itself out.

I glance down at my sandwich again and I want to eat it, but I know it's not going to do anything for me. It taste horrible. In a way that really can't be fixed. "Aren't you hungry Mile?" Dad asks me and I shake my head and then touch my stomach, for emphasis.

"No. I'm kind of sick." I tell him and he nods his head.

"You should go to bed early then, you have a Hannah interview tomorrow." He reminds me and I nod my head.

I leave the kitchen table and quickly make my way to my bedroom. As I shut my door I heave a sigh and that feeling creeps into me again. I walk to where the razor is hidden and take it in my hands. I walk to my bed, fall down into it, cover myself with my blanket and start to lightly trace the razor on my skin, everywhere.

I don't break my skin, but the metal on my skin makes me feel better and I can almost breath again. I think about Lily and I hope that she doesn't hate me know. I feel tears spring to my eyes as I think about her and us and I just want to call her. But I can't, because I don't want ot have to explain it to her. I can't really.

I lower the razor to my hip, swipe it across quickly and then drop it on my nightstand. I ignore the sting and the feel of the sticky blood falling down my leg as I close my eyes and try to sleep.


	6. Infatuated

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews! They mean a lot to me. I hope you continue reading. :)

**6. Infatuated**

It's Monday and I'm standing outside of my high school, taking swallow breaths and trying to calm myself. "It's okay Stewart." I mumble trying to calm myself down, but I can't. I feel like the entire weight of the world is on my shoulders, not to sound all that cliché, but it's the feeling.

I sigh, adjust my backpack on my shoulder and quickly make my way into the building. If I walk quickly and know when to dodge, I may not run into Lily the entire day. I might be safe from having to explain to her. "Miley!" I stop in my tracks, just a couple of feet from my locket and let out a sigh. I guess I'm not that lucky.

I turn around and see Lily running towards me. She doesn't look mad, sad or disappointed. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing though. It could be either. "Lily." I say and she wraps her arm around my shoulder and steers me along the wall.

"Miley, I know you don't want to talk about it, I realize that. But I think maybe you should talk to Mrs. Avery." Lily mumbles, trying to make our conversation to ourself.

I blink at Lily, trying to digest her words. She doesn't want to talk to me about, but she wants me to see Mrs. Avery, the guidance cousenler. I would tell her no right away, run off, but I know that Mrs. Avery is good. She has helped a lot of kids before, and it feels right in a sort of way. But I'm unsure, because I don't' know if I talk to anyone about it. "What?" I ask and Lily heaves out a sigh.

"I'm worried Miley and I can't just sit by knowing this is happening to you. I love you too much." She says and my hearts speeds up quickly. She loves me? How can she, I'm too disgusting and hopeless for her to love me.

"Fine." I answer, not knowing what I'm saying really, I just want to see Lily smile.

She does and then nods her head. "Okay, do you want to go know? I'll walk you." She suggests and I nod my head. It sounds like heaven.

"Yeah sure." I agree and we start towards Mrs. Avery's office. The place I think I want to be, but I don't know if should be there.

When we reach her office Lily talks to her and when she comes back to me she smiles at me and then walks away, her hips swaying and in that moment I realize I'm completely infatuated with the girl.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

Mrs. Avery is staring at me, her eyes clouded and a smile on her face. I know she wants to help me. She wants to make my world a better place. She wants to do anything for me. I just can't tell her. "Why don't you just start by telling me why your friend brought you here." Mrs. Avery tells me and I nod my head. I can do it, I have to. For Lily, for us.

"I…" I start tryng to form the words but I can't. I have never even said the words to myself before, I have never even thought them. It's too hard.

"Go ahead Miley. This is a safe area, it's fine." Mrs. Avery says and I glance up at her ready to say it.

I smile and nod my head at her. "Okay. I cut…myself." I say, the words sounding forgien on my lips. I don't know what's going to happen now, my hands start to shake and I don't know what to do or say. The out of body experience starts to take ov er me and I pinch skin on my hand to make it go away.

"Okay Miley, that took a lot of guts to do, and I'm really glade you're here. I'm going to try to help you with this, okay?" Mrs. Avery asks me and I nod, feeling safe and happy.

"O-okay." I say and she jots a few notes on her notepad and then glances back up at me.

"Start with the first day you did it, tell me everything." I sigh as I try to figure out if I should tell her about Lily or not, finaly I decide against it. One thing at a tim.e

I take a breath and then I start to tell her all about that first night, only leaving the parts out about Lily. I tell her about the razor and being alone, the panic feeling, the shortness of breath and how when I did it it was like I was out of my own body. It wasn't me doing it.

Mrs. Avery smiles at me athe whole time and I feel like she understands me, she won't judge me. She just wants to help me get thoruhg it.

When we are done Mrs. Avery gives me a paper about panic attacks and tells me to go over the five steps if it happens again. I agree and I step out of her office armed with a late slip to my second class of the day.

I smile to myself as I slip into my class and shove the note into the hands of my teacher, maybe Mrs. Avery will be able to help me with it. And for the first time in months I feel safe and not at all that desperate.


	7. Giddy

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews! I hope this chappy is a little less angsty-like. :)

**7. Giddy **

Lily is waiting for me at lunch. She is sitting at the same table that we always sit at together, except this time there is no Oliver. It's just her and her lunch tray. I take a deep breath, then I think back to the five steps that Mrs. Avery gave me and then I walk over to Lily, trying to remain calm. "Hey." I fall into the seat next to Lily and smile at her.

"Hi Lily." I say and then I glance down at my lunch, and I realize I don't want to eat it. I'm not all that hungry.

Lily is smiling at me and I can feel her eyes burn into my skin, and I love the feeling. "What's up?" She asks into my ear and her breath tickles my neck.

A chill runs up and down my spin and I glance at her. "Mrs. Avery is really nice." I tell Lily and she smiles again. I smell her vanilla sugar lotion again and I want to close my eyes, but I don't.

"That's good. I hope she can help you." Lily tells me and I nod my head. I want to tell Lily everything. I want to tell her I have panic attacks and about all though hours in the bathroom and my closet. I want to tell her, but then I start to shake at the thought of it. For some reason I can bare it all to her in the same way I did when we were fourteen.

"Me too." I say instead and Lily touches my hand and my head explodes with happiness. I smile at Lily and nod my head, as if to say I know what she's feeling, and I feel it to.

"Do you…want to talk about it?" Lily whispers and I know she's scared, I would be to. I am scared.

I shrug, wanting her to pull it out of me, since I know I won't just offer it to her. "I don't know."

Lily leans closer to me, and her body heats starts to warm my own. "You can talk to me Miley." She says and I really want to believe her. But it's too hard, it's too hard to tell her everything.

"I know. But it's really hard. One step at a time, okay?" I ask Lily hoping that it will be okay with her.

Lily nods her head and scoots back over to her spot at the table. "That's fine. As long as you talk to Mrs. Avery." Lily says and I nod my head. I will.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

Dad is sitting on the couch watching something random on tv when I get home from school. I shut the door, smile at him and he smiles back. "How was school bud?" He asks me and I walk over to him, glade to be home after that long day.

"Great." I answer wrapping my arms around him and I consider telling him I'm seeing Mrs. Avery. I want to tell him about everything. Btu I don't' want to disappoint him. I make a mental note to discus this with Mrs. Avery tomorrow.

"That's good. Are you ready for the concert tomorrow?" He asks and I nod my head, I'm just as ready as I'll ever be.

"Sure." I say and I wonder why the allure of Hannah Montana is starting to wash away. It used to be fun being an alter ego version of myself, not it's just hard. Maybe I just have to merge Hannah and Miley, but I have no idea how to do that. "See you Dad." I leap off the couch and start towards the staircase.

"Dinner will be soon." Dad says and tehn he goes back to watching the tv, like I had never been there at all.

I march up to my bedroom and shut the door softly behind me. Walking to my bed I toss my backpack down on it and dig through it until I find the paper that Mrs. Avery gave to me. I glance it over and let out a sigh. Panic attacks. Even though I had regonized it as it was happening….I didn't actually think that that was what it was. Panic attacks. I never thought that I would be that person. Yet, I am.

I tack the paper next to my bed on my wall, so that I will be able to see it from anywhere in my room. I lean against my headboard and try to think about seeing Mrs. Avery tomorrow. I invision myself walking into her office, plopping down next to her and telling her everything. Beign fearless. And it scares me. I open my eyes again just as my cell phone starts to ring. I pick up the pink phone and hold it to my ear. "Hello?" I say into it and I hear Lily clear her throat.

"Hey Miley." She greets me and I can't help but smile to myself. Hearing her voice is pure happiness and I love being able to hear it.

"Hi." I say timidly, I still can't get over the fact that Lily knows now, and she doesn't even want to talk about it. Well, she doesn't want to force me anyway.

"How are you doing?" She asks and I notice that her voice sounds a little scared.

"I'm fine. Just waiting on dinner." I tell her and I hear Lily nod up and down.

"Cool, want to come over after that?" She asks and I smile to myself in my room.

"Yeah." I say and after she says good-bye I hang up my phone and set it on my night stand.

Feeling a little giddy I bounce off of my bed and walk towards my closet, wanting to find something to wear that will look just perfect for an evening with Lily.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHM

After dinner I have Dad drive me to Lily's. I'm smiling the whole car ride and I know that Dad wants to ask me what's going on, but he doesn't. He pulls into Lily's driveway and I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and then race towards Lily's front door.

I bound towards Lily's room after Lily's mom lets me in and I knock on Lily's door. "Come in!" Lily calls from in her room. I push open her bedroom door and smile as I stare at Lily, who is folded up on her bed, doing homework.

"Hi." I greet Lily, shutting her door behind me.

"Miley! Hey." Lily greets me right back.

I sit next to Lily on her bed and stare down at her books. She is studying English, her favorite subject this year. Junior English is better then the ones before, but I'm still partial to drama.

"Good to see you." I say and then I kiss Lily on the cheek.

Lily smiles at me and nods her head. "Right back at you." She glances back down at her book and I glance down as well. She is going over the last chapter that we went over in class, and I envy her study skills. I haven't been able to study for months.

"Studying?" I ask and Lily nods her head.

"Yeah, boring stuff." Lily says and I laugh at lightly and Lily smiles at me.

"It's good to hear you laugh. It's been a really long time." She says and I nod my head, it sure has.

Lily leans close to me and covers my mouth with her own and I feel safe. Even though I have no idea where we stand, or what we're doing exactly, I feel like I'm in the right place. And nothing would be able to take that away.


	8. Fixed

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews!

**7. Fixed**

On Tuesday I walk into Mrs. Avery's office instead of going to second period. I don't think I could wait another second to talk to her. "Miley…are you okay?" She asks as soon as I sit in front of her.

I shrug my shoulders and set my backpack on the floor next to me. "I really don't know." I say unsure of how to express my feelings. I felt sick waking up in the morning and my first thought was that I wanted to talk to Mrs. Avery.

"What do you want to talk about?" Mrs Avery asks, situating herself in her chair. I glance at her and notice how young she really is, I hadn't noticed it the day before. She only looks like she's thirty, and she has long blonde hair and chestnut eyes. She looks so happy and normal, completely unlike me.

"My dad." I say simply remembering the night before.

"What about him?" Mrs. Avery asks me and I stare at the ground before glancing back up at her.

"I want to tell him. About it." I tell her and she smiles at me and nods her head.

"That is great Miley! That takes a lot of guts to do." Mrs. Avery jots down some notes and tehn glances back up at me. "What do you want me to help with?"

I feel tears spring to my eyes as I picture myself telling Dad and what he'll say and do. It'll hurt him more then anything in the world. "Just…how to say it." I say and Mrs. Avery nods her head knowingly.

"That's completely understandable Miley…" She says and then she plunges into topic starters and ways that I can tell him and what I can do.

When she is done telling me everything, she hands me a card with her name and number on it and we agree that I'll tell him that night. I smile at her, grateful for her help and walk towards the door. The one and only thing that could make me feel even better would to have Lily be right there when I tell him.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

"Miley!" I shut my locket and then glance over my side and see Lily running at me, her long blonde hair wiping out behind her.

"Hey, Lily." I greet her and then smile. It feels good to see her, she is just the person I needed to be around. "I have to ask you something." I say as we make our way out of the school building in into the direction of my house.

"Yeah, sure." She says and I nod my head.

"Okay." I close my eyes, and take a breath. "I want to tell my dad…about it, and I need your help." I say and Lily nods her head, sadness rushing into her eyes.

"Sure, of course." We are alone on the street, so she takes my hand and squeezes it tightly. "I'm here." She mumbles and I smile at her, Lily has to be the best thing to ever happen to me.

"Thank you so much." I say and then we make our way towards my house, slowly but quickly all at the same time.

We reach my large house and we stare at it, I'm too scared to move and I don't know what to do. "Just remember what Mrs. Avery said." Lily reminds me. I glance at Lily and nod. During the walk home I had filled her in on the conversation that me and Mrs. Avery had, just so that Lily would know what was going to happen.

"I'm scared." Unwillingly tears rush to my eyes and Lily nods her head.

"Of course, he'll love you." She reminds me and I nod my ehad.

"Let's go." I let go of Lily's hand and make my way towards the front door, my heart beating heavily against my chest.

"You're going to do great." Lily whispers in my ear as we reach the living room in my house.

Dad is sitting on the couch, the daily newspaper in his hands. "Dad." I clear my throat and as Dad turns towards us and smiles I feel faint.

"Mile! Lily, how are you girls?" He asks and I glance over at Lily who smiles at me.

"Dad, I have to talk to you." I say and I step closer to him, hating that I have to tell him. But I know that I have to.

"What is it Bud?" He asks and I sit down next to him, pulling my long sleeved shirt over my thumbs.

I glance at Lily and then at Dad and I try not to cry as I try to form the words. "I know you've been worried…" I start unsure of how I should phrase what I am going to say. Tears springs to my eyes as I think about it, trying to place it somewhere.

"What?" He asks and he takes my hand and I realize then that he does love me. No matter what.

"I…hurt…my….self." I say the words coming out slow and long. I glance at Dad and he is looking at me with sad eyes and I start to cry. "I'm sorry Daddy." I say and he quickly hugs me.

"Mile, it's okay." I think back to Mrs. Avery and I realize that she right and I feel happy that she told me how to tell him.

"I've being seeing someone at school, she is helping me." I saw and Dad lets me out of the hug and nods, tears forming in his own years.

"Okay Bud. You need anything?" Dad asks me and I shake my head.

"Just you." I say and he nods his head.

"I'm here. And so is Lily?" Dad glances at Lily who nods her head, tears in her own eyes. "Good. You girls go upstairs." He says quickly and I know that he needs time alone.

I nod at Dad, leap off the couch and start for the stairs, feeling Lily following me.

HMHMHMHMHM

"You did it." Me and Lily are sprawled out on my bed, and I'm still shaking form the conversation with Dad.

"I know." I say and I glance at Lily who is staring at me with her eyebrows furrowed. "What?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I was just wondering if that was your only time." She says nodding at my wrist.

I glance down at my wrist and realize that it is exposed again. I quickly cover it and shake my head. "No." I mumble and Lily sits up in my bed.

"Where?" She mumbles and I shrug, the conversation not being the one I want to have.

"No…" I say and I stand off my bed and walk to the corner of my room, trying to feel safe somewhere.

Lily walks over to me and touches my wrist lightly. "I just want to know why my perfect Miley would do that." She says and I shrug my shoulders, unable to answer the question.

"It just happened." I say and Lily nods her head.

"I understand." She says and then walks back over to my bed and sits down.

My heart swells as I realize that Lily has always been there for me and she has always backed me up, there isn't anything more I could ever ask for. In that moment I realized that I love Lily and I wanted her to know everything. "I love you." I whisper and Lily glances up at me, her eyes wide.

"Huh?" She says meekly and I laugh and then walk over to her.

"I love you." I kiss her as I sit next to her and I taste her lips, loving the salty taste.

"Me to." She mumbles as I pull away for air.

I smile at her, kiss her again and slid my tongue into her mouth. She groans and touches my stomach with her fingers. I fall down onto my bed with my eyes squeezed shut and Lily runs her fingers under my shirt, along my bare stomach. Her fingers come along the cut and she opens her eyes and she peers down at it. "God, Miley." She mumbles and I feel like crying, but I don't.

"I know." I say and Lily touches it lightly with her index finger.

"I wish I could take that pain away from you." She says and I nod my head, I wish that to.

"It's going to be okay." I promise Lily and then I kiss her again, harder this time, as to get the message across. I'm getting fixed, a little bit each day.


	9. Loving

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Thank you for the reviews! They mean a lot to me. I hope you continue reading. :)

**9. Loving **

I'm laying in Lily's bed. Dad said that I could sleep over, if only I got up for school the next day. Of course I promised, because what is better then a sleep over with Lily? Now I'm laying on her bed, and Lily is in the bathroom, doing whatever she needed to do. I smile in the dark realizing that it's me and Lily now and I love her. It's been two days since I told my dad and told Lily I loved her.

I fold my arms across my chest as I realize that I want to talk to Mrs. Avery about me and Lily, I want to hear her opinion. "Miley." I open my eyes and see Lily standing over me, looking like she had jus washed her face and brushed her teeth.

"Hey." I grab her hand and lightly pull her down onto the bed with me.

The bed folds under Lily's weight as she lays down next her me, her face inches from mine. "I'm scared." Lily admits and laughs and I can't help but laugh.

"Of what?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders. "You not getting better." She finally says and I let out a sigh.

"I'm getting there." I promiser her and she nods her head.

"I hope." Then she kisses me on the lips, soft at first and then harder and harder as she keeps kissing. She rests her hand on my hip and my neck tingles at the touch.

I pull away from her, my head racing, I don't know what to do or not to do. I don't even know where we really stand. "What are…" I start, but then I trail off, I don't want to ruin it.

"Let's just…" Lily says, but she interrupts herself by kissing me.

This time I'm not confused, I'm just being with Lily and I love that feeling. I kiss her hitting her lips with mine over and over again. She roughly presses me down beneath her and she rides her hands up my shirt. "It's okay." I say when she pauses for a second, her eyes cloudly.

"Okay." She mumbles and she slides my shirt off over my head.

I take shallow breaths as Lily glances at me, in nothing but my bra and PJ bottoms that I wore over. Lily smiles and kisses me on the stomach, next to my cut. I let out a shaky breath and try to relax as she moves her tongue up my body, until she reaches my mouth.

When her lips slip over mine I know what I'm doing and I kiss her hard, letting all of my feelings out in her. "God." Lily mumbles lightly and she shoves her hand down my PJ bottoms, ready to slide them off.

I stop her as she pulls them, my fears of her seeing all my cuts passing over me. "No." I whisper and Lily shrugs her shoulders.

"That's where, huh?" She asks and I nod my head. It's dark and she can't see, but it makes me uncomfortable and I can't stand it.

"I'm not ready." I say and I hate having to say it, but the breaks on us and interrupt the spell we were under.

Lily nods her head and smiles at me. "It's fine." She quickly sits up on top of me and pries off her own shirt. "It's fine." She repeats laying down next to me, her hands touching my stomach.

"Thanks Lily." I mumble as I trace Lily's stomach with my fingers and I get the craving to taste her and I wonder if she tastes like that vanilla sugar lotion she smells like all the time.

"I love you." She says and I follow my instincts. I run my lips over Lily's stomach and sides, tasting her and soaking her up. Her skin is soft and fresh and I love running my lips and tongue over it, again and again.

"I love you too." I mumble when I am done and laying next to her.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

In the morning, I'm hazy feeling. I'm wearing only my pink bra and PJ bottoms and I feel naked laying next to Lily. I stare at her sleeping frame wondering how we got here. I shrug my shoulders and make a mental note to ask Lily. She never did answer my question about that day when she kissed me. She had never told me she likes girls before and then I wonder if it's just a me thing.

I move slightly and it wakes Lily up and she let out a groan. "No, let's sleep." She begs and I laugh at her reaction.

"It's tiem to move." I say and she nods her head.

"Fine." She pries open her eyes and smiles at me. "Morning beautiful." She mumbles and I nod my head at her.

"Morning."

She quickly lifts her head up and kisses me on the lips and I feel my stomach drop to the ground. I bend down and kiss her again, loving the feeling she gives me. Completely unlike any other feeling that I had ever known before. "Let's go." I say sliding off of her bed and searching for the clothes that I had brought over for today.

"I wish you'd trust me." Lily mumbles as I find the clothes and pick them up.

I stare at her, my heart beating fast and I shrug my bare shoulders. "I do." I whisper and I know what she'll say next. I realize that I have to get it over with, she wants to see, she wants to know.

"Then show me. I want to help you." Hse says and I can tell that she is about to cry.

I sigh, close my eyes and then quickly drop my PJ bottoms to the ground and kick them away from my body. I feel naked standing in front of Lily in nothing but my bra and underwear, with my cuts showing and I start to cry, hating the feeling.

"Shhhh. It's fine." Lily promises and she walks over to me, touching my bare skin. "It's fine." She kisses at me tears and when I stop crying she steps back and stares at my thigh, where over twenty cuts are. "Damn it." She mumbles and I feel my fingers start to shake, I hate having made Lily feel like that.

"Just…" I don't know what I was even planning on saying, but I stop after one word as Lily lowers herself to stare at my legs.

She glances up at me and then quickly glances back down at the cuts and runs her fingers over them, causing me a stingy pain. She kisses them softly with her lips and I feel like crying and bouncing with joy all at the same it, it's a feeling no one else could ever give me.

She runs her tongue down my legs and thighs and then she stands back up again and kisses me on the lips. I smile at her and the question that had been burning at me since I woke up slips out of my mouth. "Are you gay?" I ask her nad Lily shrugs her shoudlres.

"I don't know. I just started being attracted to you and then…I don't know. I can't explain it. I just like you Miley." She whispers and I nod my head, it's understandable.

"I like you too Lily." She smiles and I kiss her on the lips to prove it to her and then I pull away. I stare at her light hair and I feel loving for the first time since Jake Ryan, and I love the feeling.


	10. Scared

**Title:**Razor Candies  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **This chapter was a little hard for me, hopefully I did it justice. Thank you for all the reviews!

**10. Scared **

Mrs. Avery adjusts in her seat and clears her throat. I pick at my jeans, wondering how I can phrase it to tell her. Ten minutes ago she asked me what I wanted to talk about, and I know the subject, I just can't find a way to tell her. "Miley?" I glance up at Mrs. Avery is looking at me patiently, but I know that she wants me to say something. To open up, as she put it in our first session.

I clear my own throat and shrug my shoulders. I might as well just spill it out. "That girl who brought me in, Lily…we're…" I start, but I don't' know how to finish. What are we exactly? Friends? More? Less? I have no idea.

"You're what?" Mrs. Avery asks me, trying to push it right out of me.

I glance pass her as I search for the words and when I open my mouth, they just spill out. "We're with each other." I say and then I look at Mrs. Avery, to see what her response is.

She stares at me, her eyes the same as always and her lips turned up into a small smile. "That's good that you told me Miley. What's bugging you about it?" She asks me and I crack a smile, just about everything.

"Well, we've been best friends, since I moved here in eighth grade. And now…" I trail off and Mrs. Avery nods her head.

"It just happened?" She guesses and I nod my head and smile.

"Exactly." I say and Mrs. Avery jots down a couple of notes and then glances back up at me.

"Well I think you need someone to discus this with. Someone other then me or Lily or course." She tells me and I feel my stomach lurch as I realize what her suggestion is going to be. "How about your dad?" she asks and I feel like running out of the room and never coming back. I can't tell my dad, he wouldn't….get it or understand it.

"I don't think…I can tell him." I tell Mrs. Avery and she nods her head and then leans towards me.

"Miley, I know you're scared, it understandable, but the best way to work past your confusion is to have it out there." Mrs. Avery tells me and I nod my head.

"I know, but….I don't even know what our relationship is, how can I tell my dad?" I ask my worst fears bubbling over and seeping out of my mouth. If we're not dating or in love, what are we? Just people who kiss each other a lot? Just people who love to be around each other?

Mrs. Avery nods her head and leans back in her chair. "Well in that case, I suggest you talk to Lily, let yoru know you're going to tell your dad, and get it worked out. Figure it out together and tell your dad in the way that best suites you." Mrs. Avery suggests and I nod my head, it's the only explaination that makes much sense.

"O-okay. Do I have a timeline?" I ask her, thinking it's going to be like the talk about hurting myself.

Mrs. Avery shakes her head and smiles. "No, this isn't something that needs attention right away. Take your time, figure it out as you need to. Remember Miley, you are doing this for you and no one else." Mrs. Avery tells me and I stand up, we're finished.

"Thank you." I say and after Mrs. Avery hands me my late slip I walk out of her office and towards my next class.

HMHMHMHMHM

Lily is sitting at her desk when I walk into her room. It's four in the afternoon, her scheduled study time. "Hey." I say and I fall down onto her bed, a weary smile on my face. My hands are lightly shaking as I try to figure out how to tell Lily I want to tell my dad.

"How's it going?" Lily asked turning from her book and smiling at me.

I shrug, glance at the floor and then back up at her. "I want to tell my dad. I talked to Mrs. Avery." I say and Lily's face drops and she stands out of her chair quickly.

"You told her about us?" Lily asks and I nod my head quickly. Lily's eyes cloud over and she looks like she is about to cry.

"Why? I don't even know…" She trails off, running her hands through her hair.

I stand up and walk over to Lily, knowing exactly what she is feeling. "I know, but that's why I need to do this. I need to know where we stand. To get better." I say, knowing that it is one of the reason that I need to do that thing so much.

Lily nods her head and shrugs her shoulders. "So what should we do?" She asks.

"Mrs. Avery says we need to figure out what we are. Dating, in love or whatever. So I know what to tell my dad exactly." I tell Lily and she nods slowly, swallowing down the information.

"Well, what do you think?" Lily asks and I shrug my shoulders, unsure.

"I don't know….but I…want to date you. If that's what you want." I say and Lily smiles at me, a small smile that slowly spreads to her eyes.

"Yeah, I mean, I like you…and I think we could explore what we want more, if we're together." Lily agrees and I smile back at her.

"Okay, so…we're dating." I say, seeing how the words taste on my lips, and they don't taste all that bad.

"Okay." Lily quickly leans over towards me and kisses me, softly and romantically. "To seal the deal." She says and I laugh, it's weird, I'm actually dating Lily now. My best friend is my girlfriend.

"So…now I-" Lily cuts me off by nodding shortly.

"I know you do, but I just can't…not right now Miley." Liliy tells me and I nod my head, I understand it.

"Okay. I know. But think about telling your mom?" I ask and Lily nods her head again.

"I'll think about it, later." She mumbles walking over to her desk and falling back down into her chair. "I have to study." She tells me and I nod my head.

"Okay." I touch Lily lightly on the shoulder before walking out of her room and then running out her house.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHM

"What sounds good to you bud, chicken and rice or chicken noodle?" Dad asks me from the kitchen, he is balancing two cans of soup in his hands, looking from one to the other.

I shrug my shoulders and sit at the kitchen table. "I don't know Dad, how about chicken and rice?" I suggest and Dad nods his head, a smile on his face.

"Sounds good to me." He says and he starts getting out a pan to cook the soup in.

I clear my throat, run my hands through my hair and glance at the table as I prepare to tell him. "Dad?" I ask and he glances at me, pouring the soup into the pot.

"Yeah Miley?" He asks, his eyes burning into me.

I glance up at him and give him a small smile. "I have to…tell you something." I swallow down the lump in my throat and Dad gets a little pale as he walks over to me.

"Is it about…hurting yourself?" He asks worriedly and I shake my head, tears threatening to fall down my face.

"No…but um, I need to do things for myself, to help with that." I say as I slip out Mrs. Avery's business card. He didn't need it for the hurting thing, but I'm almost positive he'll need it for this one. "This is her card, the women I'm seeing at school, she's really helping." I clear my throat again as Dad slips is hand over mine and smiles at me.

"It's fine Miley, whatever you need to get better." He says and I nod at him, happy that he's helpful now, but I have no idea how long that will really last.

"Well um, me and Lily…I don't know…how it really happened, but um…" I trail off, to afraid to say the words, to see the look in his eyes. I don't want to disappoint him.

"What?" He asks and I stare at him, mentally preparing myself.

"Um, we're dating now." I tell him and then I glance past him and then back at him.

His eyes are staring at our hands that our folded together and he looks a little scared. "Miley…" He says and my heart starts to speed up.

"Yeah?" I ask trying to make eye contact with him, but I can't.

"Are you happy? Will this help you?" He asks glancing up at me and I shrug my shoulders, I don't' even know what to make out of any of it.

"I really don't know Daddy, I just….like her?" I try and Dad nods his head.

"I don't understand, but if you need me to support you to help with your hurting yourself, I'll be here for you. Just talk to me when you need to. About anything." He says and I don't know how to read what he is saying. He wants to help me, to talk to me. But only to help with the cutting, I don't know if he means about the thing with Lily.

I nod and smile anyway, at least he's not yelling at me. "Okay. Thanks."

Dad nods his head and picks up Mrs. Avery's card. "She's okay with me calling her?" Dad asks and I nod my head.

"Yeah, sure." I say and Dad nods his head.

He takes the card with him out of the kitchen and walks up the stairs towards his bedroom. I glance at the soup cooking on the stove and I wonder if he is going to come back to eat it with me.


	11. Alone

**Title:**Jagged Edges  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.

**11. Alone**

My cell phone is propped up in my hands and I let out a deep sigh. I've called Lily twenty times in the last ten minutes, and she hasn't called me back. I left four messages since I had told Dad and she hasn't even attempted to reach me back. Tears sting at my eyes as I try to figure out if she hates me now.

I turn in my bed and glance at the clock, nine-twenty. I try to tell myself she is busy with something, anything. Just make her be doing anything but being mad at myself. I shake my head completely confused by Lily's actions. She was the one who first kissed me, who started all of this. But now she's the one who doesn't want anyone to know. "Call me." I beg staring at my phone again, willing it with every ounce of me to ring.

Btu instead there is a knock on my door. I shoot out of my bed, hoping it's Lily and praying it's Dad, all at the same time. Dad ate dinner with me, but he was distant the whole time, staring off at something that I couldn't see. I wanted to talk to him, but I had no idea what to say. "Yeah?" I say and I hear Dad clear his throat.

"Can I talk to you?" He asks and I smile to myself, at least he wants to talk.

"Sure." I tell him and he opens the door, a half smile on his face.

"how are you doing?" he asks me striding over to my bed quickly.

I nod my head and smile. "Okay." I tell him and he sits next to me on my bed and wraps his arm around me.

"I'm sorry about dinner, I was just trying to figure it out. What you said, what Mrs. Avery said." He says and I nod my head at him, trying to make him feel okay.

"It's fine. I understand." I tell him.

"So, how long has this…"

I clear my throat as I try to think back. I don't remember the exact dates, it's all blured in my mind. So I decide to tell him everything. "I don't really remember. She kissed me one day, and it made things weird. Then a couple weeks ago I asked her about it, we ignored it until then, and we just sort of…came togther." I clear my throat and continue with the story. "We didn't really know what we were or what we were doing, we just were. Then I talked to Mrs. Avery and she told me to talk to Lily about it, and then we decided that we should date, to help ourselves figure this out." I tell Dad and he nods his head in understanding.

"Okay. Well, I'm here for you Miley. I just want you to know that. I love you." He says and I smile at him.

"Thanks."

"How's…the cut…cutting going?" He asks, stumbling over the words and I realize it's hard for him. I feel bad for him, I feel bad that this is all happening all at once.

"It's okay…I think I'm doing better." I tell Dad and he nods his head.

"I just want you to figure it out." He says and then he stands off of my bed.

"See you tomorrow bud." He smiles at me and then walks out of my room.

As soon as the door shuts behind him I feel tears creep up in my eyes and then they start to spill down my face, I can't help it.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Oliver is sitting alone at the lunch table when I reach it. I smile at him and then drop into the seat next to him. "Hey." He mumbles as he pokes at his food.

"What's up?" I ask him and he shrugs his shoulders.

"Lily talked to me last night." He says simply, like it was supposed to say a million things.

I shrug my shoulders, not knowing if he was talking about what I thought he was talking about. "About what?"

Oliver glances up at me and shrugs his shoulders. "What do you think?"

I let out a sigh and glance at my food and then back over at him. "Is she mad?" I ask him, my voice barely above a whisper.

Oliver clears his throat and shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. She just told me, she said she was preparing herself for telling her mom." He glanced down at his food and let out sigh. "She was a little freaked. At telling."

I nod my head, understanding all of her feelings. "Where is she now?" I ask peering around the lunch room, hoping to see Lily stalk into it, her long blonde hair flying behind her.

Oliver shrugs his shoulders and glances at me. "I don't know. I think she was going to take a sick day." He mumbles and I nod my head, it's all understandable. But I don't understand why Lily is so freaked.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

After school I decide that I'm going to talk to Lily, even if she doesn't want to. I'm standing outside of her door, my stomach rolling around within itself. I take a deep breath and think back to the five steps that Mrs. Avery gave me, and then I knock on the door. Lily's mom answers, dressed simply in jeans and a tee-shirt. I smile at her and she smiles back at me. "Good to see you Miley. Lily is upstairs." I nod my head and as I walk past her I notice she gives me an extra once over and I wonder what that was about.

I march up the stairs and then push the door open to Lily's room. Lily is laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. "Hey." I say quietly and she looks over at me.

"Miley." She sits up on her bed and smiles at me. "I told her." She says and I nod my head, trying to understand it.

"Oh." I step closer to her and smile again. "Are you okay?" I ask her and she shrugs her shoulders in a lazy type of way.

"I don't really know Miley." She states and I can't tell if she's mad or not. "She's fine with it, I guess." Lily says and then she starts wiping at her eyes.

I let out a sigh and step close to her. "Lily…" I say and she jerks away from me.

"I hated having to do it." She mumbles and I feel bad for her, but I don't know what to do.

"I'm sorry." I say simply and Lily turns to look at me, her eyes red and puffy and tears falling down her face.

"Saying it, really makes it real. I hate it." She says and then crosses her arms over her chest, quickly. "I just need…to be alone for a minute. Awhile." She says and I nod my head, there isn't much else I can do.

"Will you call me?" I ask, my voice shaking.

Lily shrugs her shoulders and glances back up at me. "I don't know right now…I just need to be alone." Lily says again and I nod my head again.

"Good, okay." I turn on my heel and walk out of her room and out of her house before her mom spots me.

I cross my arms over my chest as I make my way back home, unsure of what is going no with Lily. And trying to figure out how I can get rid of the alone feel, bubbling up inside of me.


	12. Confusion

**Title:**Jagged Edges  
**Rating:**M  
**Author:**Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer:**I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.

**12. Confussion **

I tell Mrs. Avery about Lily and she nods her head, like it's no big deal. "What should I do?" I ask her and she shrugs her shoulders.

"Give her a little space and time, this was a big thing for her and obviously it's upset her. Just give her space, let her know you're there and when she's ready to come talk to you." Mrs. Avery smiles at me, like she is so sure of her answer and I nod my head. She has be convinced.

"Okay. Thanks." I glance at the clock and note that second period is about to start. I have to go. "Bye." I stand up and Mrs. Avery nods her head at me.

"Tell Lily I'm here as well." Mrs. Avery tells me and I nod my head, I sure will.

I walk out of Mrs. Avery's office and walk as quickly as I can to my next class, not able to afford to be late again.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

Lily is sitting at lunch, her head is hunched over and she is quickly picking at her food. I take a deep breath and march over to her, ready to be her friend, and anything else. "Hey." I fall into the seat next to her and Lily glances up at me.

"Sorry I was such a bitch last night." She says and I nod my head.

"It's fine. I can understand." I say and I glance at my food, not feeling at all up to eating it.

"It was just scary and I had spent the whole day with my mom talking to her…and I just needed to be away from it." Lily tells me and I smile at her, remembering what Mrs. Avery told me.

"Well, I'm here for you, however you need me. Mrs. Avery says you can come talk to her too." I tell Lily and she nods her head.

"I don't want to do that…but I'm glade you're here." She smiles at me and I nod my head, feeling safe again. Now that Lily is okay and happy with me again.

"So, do you want to go to the beach after school?" I ask Lily and she nods her head, smiling.

"Sounds great." She says and I glance back down at my food, and start to pick at it.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

Oliver sits down next to me during English and he shrugs his shoulder. "She's back today." He says simply and I nod my head.

"Yeah, she has. She's feeling better now." I tell him and he nods his head.

"Okay good. I didn't know if I should talk to her." He says and I shrug my shoulders, unsure of his fears.

"It's fine. She's feeling like herself now." I tell him, tapping my pencil on my desk.

Oliver nods and leans closer to me. "What is up with you two?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders again.

"I don't know Oliver…we just like each other." I say and he nods his head.

"Okay." He says and turns back to the front of the classroom.

"Are you okay with it?" I ask and Oliver nods his head.

"Sure, now I just get it." He whispers at me, his eyes going cloudy.

"What?" I ask not sure of what he is getting at, and I'm starting to get really confused.

"I asked her out a few months ago, she said no and acted really weird." He mumbles at me and my heart almost stops. That much have been right before she kissed me.

"Oh." I say, unsure if I should tell him about the kiss. I decide not to, Lily is the one I have to talk to.

After class Oliver gives me a quick hug and tells me to call him if I need to, I guess Lily spilled about other things too. I walk towards my next class, my mind still on Lily.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Lily is waiting for me at my locker after the last bell of the day. She greets me with a smile, and I return it. "Hey." She says as I open my locket and set my books inside. I don't glance at her as I take the books out that I need for homework and then shut my locker and lock it up again. "You okay?" Lily asks me and I nod my head.

"Sure. We need to talk." I say and she nods her head slowly, picking up on my feelings.

"O-okay. What's up?" She stutters and I shrug my shoulders.

"I just really want the full story from you, about you and us. And I mean the whole story." I say trying to hint that she is understanding what I am hinting at.

"what's up Miley?" She asks and then crosses her arms ovoer her chest.

"I talked to Oliver today." I tell her and her face drops. "I guess that means something."

Lily nods her head and then glances at the floor and then up at me. "Yeah, I…" She trails off and I shake my head. No matter what, she just wont be honest with me.

"Whatever." I sigh and then sidestep Lily, preparing to go home.

"Miley wait! Let's go to the beach, and talk okay?" She asks and I nod my head, it's better then her being silent.

"Yeah, okay." I tell her and we walk off together in the direction of the beach.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

At the beach we find a quiet spot, where not too many people are and we sit next to each other. I stretch my legs out, attemping to get a tan in my short mini skirt. Lily is staring at the sand, her eyes darting from side to side, like she is in deep thought.

"So?" I ask, trying to prod the truth out of her. I just want to hear it.

Lily glances up at me and shrugs. "Why do you think I wanted to be friends with you when you moved here?" Lily asks and I shrug my shoulders, I always thought she wanted to be my friend.

"I don't know." I say, running sand through my fingers.

"I liked you Miley! It was the first time I had ever felt anything like that, and I was trying to deal with it. I became your friend and I tried to just be that. Because I didn't know what else to do." Lily glances down at the sand and my heart stops in my chest for a millisecond.

"What?" I ask her, feeling confused and a little sick feeling. Everything I had ever thought about our relationship was pretty much fake. She was never my best friend, she was just trying not to like a girl.

"I'm…" She stops, and then glances up at me. "I was confused, and really scared." She says and I nod my head.

"So after Oliver?" I ask and she nods her head.

"I pictured myself actually being with Oliver and I felt…odd. When he asked me that day, I realized I didn't want to date a boy, and then you popped into my mind. So that day, I just acted on how I was feeling ,even though I wasn't sure." Lily explained and I nodded my head, it wasn't the answer I wanted, but at least it was the truth.

"Oh. Okay." I have no idea how to respond to her, I have never felt the way that she made me feel right now.

"I'm really sorry, I should've been honest." She mumbled and I nodded my head, she really should've.

"I need to go. I promised Dad I would help him….now." I say standing up and wiping the sand off of me. "I'll see you around." I promise and then I walk off of the beach, in the direction of my house, feeling more confused then I have ever felt before.


	13. Strange

**Title:** Jagged Edges  
**Rating: **M  
**Author: **Freeing Alys  
**Summary: **It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **First of all, I'm so happy this story is getting lots of good feed back, since I love writing it so much and what it is about. :)  
**E.Osmentissuperhot: **I don't know…I've never had anyone ask me for requests before…but yeah, if you have something you think I could write, drop me a message or tell me in a review! Thanks for all of your reviews.

**13. Strange **

Three hours later I'm sitting on bed, gently rocking back and forth. "Miley?" I glance at my door and Dad is standing there, staring at me. Looking worried.

"Yeah Daddy?" I ask him and he cracks a small smile at me.

"Are you okay bud? Is everything okay with Lily?" He asks me stepping into my room and I shrug my shoulders. I don't know if I can-or even should-tell him the whole truth.

I lazily shrug my shoulders, not sure of what to do. "I don't know." I mumble when he sits next to me and wraps an arm around me.

"Maybe a little break will be good." He says and I furrow my eyebrows into the center of my head.

"What?" I ask leaning back from him, unsure of what he is saying, really. Does he not want me to be with Lily? Is he disappointed in me?

"What I mean, is that space is good for all relationships." He elaborates and I nod my head slowly, not knowing what he is meaning.

"Are you disappointed in me?" I ask, wanting to hear the answer come out of his lips. Dad hasn't talked to me all that much since I told him about me and Lily, and it has started making me paranoid.

"No." Dad says and he smiles at me. "I just want you to be okay." He whispers and then kisses me on the cheek. In the moment I realize I miss what we used to be, when I was a rising superstar and he was my 'people', we were closer then we had ever been before in those months. But then it just slowly went away, as Hannah grew and I started writing more of her music.

"Okay." I say and Dad stands up from my bed.

"I hope things turn out okay." He says and then quickly walks out of my room.

I nod my head and then I fall back down onto my bed, thoughts of Lily swirling around in my head. Ever since she told me how we came to be, I couldn't stop thinking about the day we met. I thought she was just a rebel, who wanted to be my friend because no one else wanted to be mine. I guess not, I guess she was just attached to me, and trying to deny it. I let out a sigh and then the feeling creeps over me.

I sit up in my bed, my hands slightly shaking, the feeling is right there in me and I don't know what to do with it. I glance at my five steps for panic attacks that Mrs. Avery gave me, but they don't do anything. It's not a panic attack.

I quickly stand off of my bed and start pacing around my room. "It's fine." I try to convince myself, but the feeling is still there, itching at me.

I take a deep breath and pace more around my room, trying to free my mind. I glance at my guitar, sitting in the corner of my room and I wakl over to it. Hannah Montana always was the one thing that could make everything better, half the reason I invented her.

I pick up the instrument and carry it over to my bed with me, the feeling still eating at my insides. I set the guitar in my playing position and start to strum on it. I close my eyes and move my fingers around the fretboard, making up different progressions.

As I play my mind does what it always does, it starts floating around and I'm no longer in control of it of where it's going. As I set my fingers in a G chord my mind starts to roam and automatically it goes to back into the bathroom. My eyes shoot open as I try to find something else to think about, anything else.

Not able to calm my mind I set my guitar by my side. I let out a sigh, and then my cell phone starts to ring, rattling me. I lurch over and quickly pick it up, hoping it's Lily. "Hello?" I say into it, not even bothering to check the caller id.

"Hey Miley." Lily says and I can tell that she's scared, but I don't' know what to do to make it go away.

"Hi." I say, my hands still shaking and the urge to run into the bathroom still in my head.

"Are you okay? You sound shaky." Lily asks and I nod my head my eyes squeezed shut.

"Sure." I tell her as I start rocking back and forth, trying to make the feeling go away.

"Miley, you sound bad. Should I come over?" Lily asks and then I think back to Dad, maybe he's right.

"No. I just….need space." I say and as soon as the words are out of my mouth I realize it's what I need.

"Fine." Lily mumbles and then I hear the click sound of her hanging up, and then nothing.

Sighing I drop my phone down onto my bed and stare back at my guitar, and without any reservations a song pops into my mind.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

First period is drama, but I don't think I could handle anything today. So I rush into Mrs. Avery's office and sit in front of her. "What's going on Miley?" She asks me as she pulls out her notepad and pen.

I watch her click her pen on and off, on and off in a single motion. I clear my throat and glance up at her, a half smile on my face. "Dad said something to me the other night, so I think I'm giving myself space from Lily." I tell Mrs. Avery and she nods her head and then writes something on her paper.

"Why?" She asks and then glances back up at me, her face calm and happy looking.

I shrug my shoulders and glance away from her. "I don't know, I just think I need it. To get better." I add, knowing that time away from anything stressful it would be an easier way for me to get better.

"If you think that's what you need, then it's very brave of you to take that action. What does Lily think?" Mrs. Avery asks me and I shrug my shoulders, judging from the way she was the night before, probably mad.

"Upset." I say and then glance at Mrs. Avery who is nodding her head.

"She might not understand, but I'm sure she won't hold it against you." Mrs. Avery tells me and I nod my head, taking in the information. She might be right.

"Thanks." I stand up from my chair, feeling better about my decision and make my way towards the door, after Mrs. Avery waves at me.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

I'm riding home in the limo, just me and Dad tonight, since Lily as Lola is still counted as Lily. "Are you okay bud?" I glance at Dad, my blonde wig falling over my shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm just tired." I mumble and Dad nods his head.

"That song you did with your guitar, it was good." Dad says and I smile at him, I decided last minute to premire my new song about Lily, Strange, tonight right before the show.

"Thanks." I say and Dad nods his head. Althoguht he still does write a song or two for Hannah Montana, I usually write most of them. "Are you mad?" I ask Dad and shakes his head and then laughs.

"Why?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"Because I'm writing more." I say simply and Dad laughs again.

"No bud, that makes me happy. You're just growing up." Dad tells me and I nod my head.

"Okay." I go back to staring out my window and thinking about what I'm going to say to Lily the next time I see her. If I decide I want to see her again.

"You might want to take that off." I follow Dad's direction and slip my blond wig off, as he takes off his mustache and hate. "We're almost home." He says and I nod my head.

The limo pulls into our driveway and I slip out quickly and run to the door, hoping I'm not spotted. Minutes later Dad is at my side, unlocking the front door. "You did good tonight Miles." He says as we walk in and I smile at him, liking that he thinks I did okay.

"Thanks Daddy." As Dad walks towards the kitchen I realize how we haven't had a long conversation together for months. "Do you want to have hot coca?" I ask and Dad turns to look at me, a smile on his face.

"Sure." He says and he walks into the kitchen to make the hot drink, me at his side.


	14. Hazy

**Title:** Jagged Edges  
**Rating: **M  
**Author: **Freeing Alys  
**Summary: **It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews! And here is another chappie. Enjoy.

**13. Hazy**

After three cups of Dad's loco hot coca I feel like crashing on my bed. So after giving Dad a peck on the cheek  
I'm now in my bed, trying to ignore the feeling nagging at me. I turn and face the five steps that Mrs. Avery  
gave me, hanging on my wall, but it's not like they'll help. This isn't a panic attack. I let out a stream of air  
through my lips and then stare at my ceiling. I miss Lily. But I have no idea how to deal with the truth she told  
me, it's too confusing and hard.

I sit up in my bed, feeling restless, even though the hot coca is settling in my stomach. I glance at my cell phone  
on my night stand and I quickly reach for it. Maybe we can just go forward, somehow. I dial Lily's number and then  
press the cold phone to my ear. It rings twice before I hear the click of Lily answering. "Hey." She mumbles into  
the phone and I realize that she's mad at me, but I did blow her off.

"Lily, I'm sorry." I tell her and I hear something in the background, but I can't decide what it is.

"Miley, it's fine." She says, but she doesn't sound all that convincing. "You need space." She adds and I shake my  
head, feeling upset and frustrated.

"Lily, I was okay? I was hurt and upset and then…it just felt like the good thing to do. I needed  
that space." I tell Lily not regretting the choice I made, I needed the space to sort things out and put them out there.

"I heard that song." Lily says and I hold in my breath, unsure of what she is going to say. "I make you feel  
strange?" Lily asks and let the breath out, trying to think of what to say.

"No…I mean yes…but it's not bad." I say and I close my eyes, the feeling nagging at me more and more every  
second this conversation keeps going. I just want to put it to rest.

"'Strange is like the way I feel when her eyes burn into me.'" Lily mumbles, quoting lyrics from my own song, from  
the chorus.

I nod my head and bit my lip, liking the sharp pain it gives me and I relax a little bit more. "Yeah Lily…it's just  
a song. I needed to do something…other then…" I trail off, realizing how much I want to do it, how I almost need to  
do it. It seems like it's the only thing that can stop my racing mind and feelings.

"Okay, I get it." Her voice gets soft at the mention of the problem, my problem and I shake my head.

"Do you forgive me?" I ask unsure of what to do or say about the whole thing anymore.

I hear Lily let out a breath and then I close my eyes, not being able to shut out of the feeling any more. "I don't  
know. Maybe I need space." Lily says and I nod my head, I guess it's fair.

"Okay." I say and then quickly hang up my phone, not wanting fight with her anymore.

I glance back at the wall and shake my head, none of it's working anymore. Maybe if things would just settle  
down for a second or two, I would be able to get better. As my thoughts rush through my head I gently bit my bottom  
lip and feel the pain surge through my body. "Damn." I whisper, aware of how the feeling just won't go away, and  
it's baiting me with every single second that it's there.

I slid off of my bed and walk towards my closet, I haven't seen it for a week, but I know it's still sitting there  
from teh last time. I hold it in my hands, it's small, but the coldness of its touch sends shivers down my spin. I  
sit back on my bed and let out a sigh. I glance at my door and feeling guilty, but hopeless, I touch it to my  
bare thigh. Closing my eyes I feel my head spin and then I pull my hand, moving the razor across my skin. It  
rips at my skin and it stings.

My eyes shoot open adn I stare at the small wound. It's not like all the other ones. It's like deep adn angry and  
full of saddness. It's just...there. It's nothing. The feeling is gone from my chest, but I still can't breath,  
it didn't help anymore then anythign else. I glare at the razor and then toss it across my room, it landing a few  
feet from my bed. I stare at it and then back at my leg, where a coupel of drops of blood have formed around  
teh cut. I shake my head and then fall back on my bed, feeling hazy and completely confused.


	15. Going

**Title:** Jagged Edges  
**Rating: **M  
**Author: **Freeing Alys  
**Summary: **It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **I think I'm going to be ending this soon…it's kind of hard for me to write. Let me know what you think of the story and where it's going….. 

**14. Going **

I feel like I'm constantly going, and there is nothing stopping me. I go from my bed to the bathroom to the kitchen-where Dad and Jackson are and I have to fake my way through toast and eggs- to school, where I have to avoid Lily, because all she does is gives me a weird look and I go from class to class not talking to anyone to pack home, where I have to fight off the feeling alone in my room. I'm always going and it's wearing me out.

I'm in my closet again, curled up into the corner of it, trying to think of a song to write. Anything to distract me, but I can't think of anything. My creative thoughts went away that day Lily said she needed space. I guess I got a taste of my own medicine. "Miles?" I glance at my closet door, Jackson's voice breaking my thoughts. 

"What?" I say and I hear him walk towards my closet slowly.

"What are you doing?" He asks, staring at me, his eyes worried.

I shrug my shoulders and smile half heartedly at him. "Nothing. Trying to think of a new Hannah song." I tell him and he nods his head.

"Why don't you go to Dad? You two could write something good together. And you wouldn't be…" He trails off, staring at me, I glance down at myself and I realize that I'm wearing short shorts. They are so short, half of my scars are poking out. I quickly put my hand over then and glance up at him, his sentence fragment stuck in my head.

"What alone?" I ask, I know both him and dad hate me to be alone…ever since I told Dad. Jackson hasn't been around much, but I know he's just as scared as Dad is.

"Yeah." He says and then crosses his arms over his chest. "Come on." He says and steps away from the door.

I nod my head and stand up, I'm just barely short enough to be able to stand all the way up in my closet still. "Okay." I sigh out and step out of my closet, Jackson smiling at me.

"Anyway I came up here to tell you Oliver is in the living room." He says and I watch him disappear into his room.

I let out a sigh, wondering what Oliver would want, he hasn't really spoken to me since that day he found out. I walk into the living room and Oliver is standing near Dad in the kitchen as Dad cooks dinner. "Oliver. Hey." I say and Oliver turns around to face me, a smile on his face.

"Miley! How's it going?" He asks walking over to me, sounding just like he did when we were fourteen.

I nod my head and put a smile on my face, trying to match his feeling. "I'm okay. Lily won't talk to me though." I tell him, my voice barely above a whisper.

Oliver nods his head and glances at me. "Yeah, she told me about htat. I'm sorry." He says and I shrug my shoulders, it really doesn't matter.

"It doesn't matter." Isay and I glance at Dad, who is staring at us, but trying not to look like it.

"Sure it does." He says and I nod my head, yeah, it kind of does.

"I know." I glance at Dad again, who is busy stiring the noodles in the pot on the stove. "Want ot stay for dinner?" I ask Olvier, wanting it to feel like old time again. Minus Lily of course.

"Only if you invite Lily." I give Oliver a look and he shrugs his shoulders. "We have to settle this." He says and then his eyes get clouded over. "For you, I mean." And I nodded my head while glancing back over at Dad who quickly glanced away from me.

"Fine. Fine." I say and I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and quickly find Lily's number and then dial it. I press the phone to my hear, my heart beating fast and I feel myself grow faint as she picks up. "Lily? Um, would you like to come to my house for dinner? I mean Oliver is here." I say so quickly I could barely understand it myself.

Lily is quiet for a really long time and I glance at Oliver who is giving me an off glance. He mouths 'what' to me and I shrug my shoulders in response. "Fine. Sure." She says and then quickly clicks her phone off.

I nod my head and hang up my own phone. "Yeah, she's going to come." I say and I glance at Oliver, who is smiling.

"Just wait, you two will be all over each other by the ned of the night." He promises and I shrug my shoulders.

I'm always going with something or another. It's annoying.


	16. Tingling

**Title:** Jagged Edges  
**Rating: **M  
**Author: **Freeing Alys  
**Summary: **It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **I think I'm going to be ending this soon…it's kind of hard for me to write. Let me know what you think of the story and where it's going….. 

**16.** **Tingling **

Ten minutes later Lily is at my door, a skateboard shoved under arm. Her one way of transportation, dispite her driver's license that she always carries in her wallet. "H-hey." I greet her and she nods her head, but I see her face soften.

"What's up?" She asks stepping into my house and looking at Dad and Oliver-Jackson left for another college class. "Hey Mr. Stewart. Oliver." She greets Dad and Oliver and then she sits at the table. "So, what's on the menu?" She asks glancing at Dad.

Dad smiles at her weakly and glances down at the noodles and sauce he is stirring around. "Spaghetti, Lily." He says and then glances over at me, a worried expression on his face.

"Yeah, Dad makes the best." I say walking towards the table and then quickly sitting next to her. I smell her perfume and for a second I go weak, I think back to all the times that I have kissed her and I realize that I miss her.

"Awesome." She says and gives me an off look. "What?" She asks me and I shake my head and then glance away from her.

"Nothing." I mumble and Oliver sits in the spot that usually goes to Jackson. 

"So, what's been going on Lily?" Oliver asks and Lily shrugs her shoulders.

"Noting. Just enjoying space." She says and then glares at me.

I let out a sigh and shake my head. "Come on Lily! Don't hold it against me forever." I say and she shrugs her shoulders.

Dad steps to the table carrying over the noodles and some salda. "Eat up hang and enjoy." He says, but no one makes a move towards the food.

"I just don't know why you needed the space." Lily finally mumbles after a second a silence.

I shrug my shoulders and glance at her. "I really don't know…it felt right. But I realized….it was a mistake." I tell Lily and she nods her head.

"I…don't know what to even think." Lily finally said and I shoot up out of the chair.

"Let's go upstairs…" I say pointing at the staircase.

Lily nods her head and follows my example. "Great." She says and we move quickly towards the stairs, ignoring everyone else around us.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHM

"You've said you're sorry, like a million times." Lily whines at me and sits on my bed. I watch her blonde hair fall over her shoulders and I fell like grabbing it, but I don't.

"I know Lily. Just blame it on….my stupidity, okay?" I ask her and she nods her head, her pink lips slightly upturned.

"I could do that." She says and then she laughs.

I laugh with her and I'm reminded of the last couple of weeks. The time that everything was pretty much okay. I lean close to her and close my eyes, not caring about anything. It's hard to care about anything when I'm with Lily though. I quickly cover her lips with mine and I kiss her, letting her know just how much I have actually missed her. "I've missed you." I whisper when she pulls back, her eyes wide.

"Me too." She agrees, and this time she kisses me.

I kiss her back as I squeeze my eyes shut and fun my fingers down her arms slowly. Lily moans into my mouth and I kiss her harder, loving the feeling of us being together again. "I don't want to fight again." She mumbles breaking her lips apart from mine for air.

I nod my head alongside hers and smile to myself. "Me either. Let's just….take it as it goes. Not matter what." I say and Lily nods and smiles at me.

"I really like that." She says and then she kisses me on my jaw line. "I think I should start by telling my parents though." She says, her voice growing shaky.

I nod my head, understanding her feelings. "Do you…?" I ask trailing off and she shakes her head.

"No, it's fine. I need to do it alone." Lily mumbles and I kiss her again, not able to help myself.

"I like you." I whisper, my lips next to her ear.

"Yeah me to." She says and the she kisses me quickly again. "But we should go eat." She mumbles and I nod my head, we really should.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

That night, after Lily called me to tell me she told her parents, I'm holding the razor in my hands and lightly biting my lips. I glance over at the trash can and let out a sigh. I want to just through it away and not care about it-or need it- anymore. But it's a lot harder then I thought it would be. I let out another sigh and stare at the thin piece of metal. It's small I realize for the first time. It's incredibly small, yet it did so much damage to me. I shake my head and smile to myself. I have to let it go, things were a hell of a lot more fun when I didn't rely on it.

I stand off my bed and quickly walk towards my trash can and drop the razor in it. It clings as it hits the bottom and I feel relief sweep over me. Nodding my head I walk back to my bed and lay down, ready to fall asleep and let everything go, for ever.

The next day I'm staring at Mrs. Avery's office trying to get the nerve to walk into it and tell her what happened with me and Lily. And what I did last night. Letting out air from my lips I try to figure out why I'm so nervous about it, it's no big deal. She would only help me with it. Nodding my head at my thoughts I walk into her office and sit in front of her. "Miley, nice to see you." She says and I smile up at her. "how are things?" She asks me and I nod my head.

"Great! Me and Lily are okay…" I glance at my jeans as I try to work up the nerve to tell her the rest.

"What is it?" She asks and I glance up at her. She is peering at me, her eyes curious and her pen lightly touching her paper, like she knows she is about to write at any second. Like I'm going to tell her something big, which I am.

"I threw it away." I say and she nods her head.

"Threw what away?" She asks me and I know she just wants to hear me say it, for the healing process.

"The razor. I threw it away. It's done." I lean back in my chair and Mrs. Avery write something down and then smiles at me.

"That's amazing Miley. Why?" She asks setting her pen back on her paper.

I shrug my shoulders and smile at her. "Things were a lot better without it." I say and she nods her head.

"It's good you recognize that. Are you scared about something?" She asks me and I can tell she can see that look in my face, the one saying I'm terrified.

"Yeah," I let out a sigh and then glance away from her and then back at her quickly. "What if I want to do it again? I don't want to have to…" I say and she nods her head understanding what I'm telling her.

"I actually have a trick for that…" Mrs. Avery leans over her chair, reaches into her desk drawer and then looks back at me. "This." She says and then she holds out a thin, red rubber band at me. "Just put it on your wrist and then when you get the urge, any at all, just flick it." She holds it at me and I take it in my hands.

Slowly, I slide it onto my wrist and I glance at Mrs. Avery who is looking at me excitedly. "It does work, really." She promises.

I nod my head and then quickly snap the rubber band onto my wrist. I flinch at the pain that eruptes in me and I glance at Mrs. Avery, feeling the result. "Wow, thanks." I tell her and she nods her head.

"You're welcome. I just want you to get better. You know that I'm here for you." She tells me and I nod my head. I know.

"Yeah…"

"What about Lily? Is everything okay there?" Mrs. Avery asks me after she jots down a couple of notes on her paper.

"Yeah, we're great. She's helping me." I tell Mrs. Avery and she nods her head.

"Well it sounds like you are on a really great track Miley." She smiles at me and I nod my head, she is right.

"Yeah I know." I say and then I glance at my rubber band on my wrist and as I do I feel a tingling feeling inside of me and I realize it's going to get better.


	17. Holiday

**Title:** Jagged Edges  
**Rating: **M  
**Author: **Freeing Alys  
**Summary:**It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Yeah this story is coming to a close. I think I might stop at either 18 or 20 full chapters. So stay tuned…thanks so much for all of the reviews! They mean more then you could know.

**17. Holiday**

_Snap._

I watch as the red rubber band hits the inside of my wrist. It's the thousandth time that I had snapped the rubber band and watched as it quickly made contact iwht my skin. I lift the rubber band away from my wrist with my index finger and flinch when I look at the red welts that it left. Small patches of red are sprinkled around my wrist-where the rubber band hit it. "What are you doing?" I glance over at Lily and shrug my shoulders.

I listen as the librarian clears her throat and someone else drops a book onto the floor. We first came into the library one hour ago to get some extra study time in after school. Algebra may actually be killing us this year. "What do you mean?" I ask staring back at Lily.

Her eyes roll down toward my wrist and I follow her gaze. I nod my head when I realize what she means. I never told her that I threw It away, or that Mrs. Avery gave me the rubber band. I dind't want anyone to make too big a deal out of it. It's not like I'm better. I'm just…trying to get there. "Oh. Mrs. Avery gave it to me. To help me." I say and Lily shrugs her shoulders in a confused way.

"Why do you need it?" She asks and then she pulls her chair, so she's sitting closer to me.

I glance around to make sure we're alone before I lean close to her neck and take a whiff of her shampoo and perfume mix, it's such a Lily smell and I love it. Rain forest and lavender. "I threw it away." I whisper as I run my finger tips on Lily's bare skin on her neck.

"Really?" She asks and glances at me, her eyes wide and happy looking.

I nod my head and then quickly kiss her on the jaw line. "Yep. I want to be…how I was." I tell her and she smiles at me, making my stomach sink.

"I'm proud of you." Lily says and I smile at her, glad to hear her say it.

"Thank you." I say back and Lily leans her face close to mine and then kisses me.

"You'll be better then how you were." She promises and then she kisses me again and I kiss her back, running my hands through her hair.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Me and Dad are sitting at the piano in the living room and Dad is gently pounding on random white keys. "What do you want a song about?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders, completely unsure.

I ended up taking Jackson's advice and I asked Dad to help me write for Hannah's new CD. He does know what he's doing after all. I'm completely lost in all of it. "I don't know. Soemthing….real." I say and Dad nods his head and then he starts to construte a melody.

"I know hwat you mean. What's important to you?" He asks and I shrug my shoulders. Getting better has been the only thing on my mind for weeks.

"Gett better I guess." I whisper and Dad nods again.

"That's good. Just dig deep into that thought." He tells me and I try, but nothing happens.

"I can't." I say and he smiles at me.

"Just relax." He stands up and points at the kitchen. "I'm going to start dinner, you just work on it. Think about one thing about it and then just work from there." Dad advises and then he's gone into the kitchen, starting the dinner.

I start to hit the keys as I think about what's happened, good and bad. I close my eyes as I remember the first day that I did it, and the last day. "Feeling wrong, don't belong, I'm lost and confused, you make me suffocate under your stare." I sing out as I press on keys. When I open my eyes I realize that Dad is being quiet, so I spin around to face him.

"Wow Mile. That was great." He says and I smile at him, it was a start to…something.

"Really?" I ask and he nods his head.

"Yeah." He grabs a notepad and pen and runs it over ot me. "Just write." He says and then he's back in the kitchen again, leaving me alone with me thoughts.

I smile to myself and then I press the pen to the paper and I start writing, not stopping for anything.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

"Wow, what's gotten into you?" Lily asks as she pulls away to take a breath.

I feel my cheeks grow red as I shrug my shoulders. "I…don't know." I mumbled and I quickly pull her close to me again and I kiss her hard on the lips, gently nibbling on her bottom lip with my teeth.

"Something good." She says again when I pull away from her this time.

I let out a laugh and shrug my shoulders again. "Everything is going okay. I mean, we're okay, I'm doing okay, me and Dad wrote a song today. It's going good." I tell Lily and she nods.

"I know. It's getting to be okay again." Lily breaths out and then she falls onto my bed and stares at the ceiling. "Thigns get hard." She adds and I nod my head as I lay next to her, my hand falling on her stomach.

"I know. It sucks." Lily turns towards me and smiles.

"But it's better now." She whispers and then she starts to kiss me again and I close my eyes, not thinking about anything else.

Two hours earlier Lily had rang our doorbell and then we were laying on my bed talking and musing and it wasn't long until I was kissing her, for minutes at a time. Lily starts running her hands down my legs and she pushes me down into my bed and sits on top of me. I let out a laugh as she starts kissing my neck. It feels like forever since we were kissing each other and not knowing what we were doing. Now it's like our first nature, nothing has to be affirmed or talked about. It just happens.

Lily groans as she leaves a trial of kisses down my skin until she reaches my shirt. She glances up at me and smiles. "This is nice." She says slightly breathless.

I nod and smile back at her, nothing in the world has felt any better. Being with Lily has been a whole different experience from one that I have ever known and I wouldn't take it back for anything. "I know." I agree and then I lean up and kiss her.

Lily lightly pushes on my shoulders until I fall back on the bed and she sits on my hips, her eyes clouded as they take in my body. "It's fine." I whisper in the dark and she nods her head.

"What about your Dad?" She asks me and I shake my head, knowing he doesn't have to be worried about. "He's watching his favorite television shows. He won't even leave the couch for two hours." I promise and Lily smiles at me and nods her head.

"And that should be enough time." She jokes as she pushes her hands under my shirt and starts kissing my bare stomach.

HMHMHMHMHMHM

"I feel like I'm on holiday." I tell Lily. We're laying on my bed side by side under the blankets.

Lily laughs and glances at me. "Meaning what exactly?" She asks me and I shrug my shoulders. I don't really know.

"Just that feeling you get when it's a holiday. Excited and happy for no good reason." I say and Lily nods her head, as she wraps her arms around my stomach.

"I know. This is nice." She whispers and I start to stroke her hair with my fingertips.

"Nothing has felt better." I agree as Lilly shuts her eyes and her breath starts becoming deeper. "I love you." I say, not feeling more in love then in the moment, when it's just me and her and what we feel for each other. Nothing feels better then that.

"I love you too." She says and I smile in the dark, loving the sound of the words on her lips.


	18. Happy

**Title:** Jagged Edges  
**Rating: **M  
**Author: **Freeing Alys  
**Summary: **It's funny how much a person can change in two years. Liley. Rated for self-hatred, self-mutliation, eating disorders, and lots of other stuff I may not be sure of.  
**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Hannah Montana or anything/one affliated with it. That all belongs to Disney.  
**Author's Note: **Last chapter. I hope you guys liked it. Don't worry though, I will keep posting more HM fics. : - )

**18. Happy **

"It's helping." I tell Mrs. Avery and she nods at me and smiles.

"Good, that's good Miley." She says and I nod my head as I glance down at the rubber band. It's been a week since I threw it away and I haven't even thought about it. Not since me nad Dad started writing more together and now that me and Lily are okay. And then there's me, Lily and Oliver, we are back to being friends like we were when we first met.

"It's starting to be okay again." I say and Mrs. Avery nods her head again as she jots down notes on her pad of paper.

"Good. Do you want to keep coming to see me?" She asks and I stare at her. She is looking at me, her green eyes full of question and I smile at her, I know that I'll want to keep coming back.

"Yeah. This helps." I admit and Mrs. Avery smiles at me again.

"That's good. Just come see me whenever you need, to talk about anything at all. Do you want to talk about anything else?" She asks and I shake my head, everything is okay.

"No…" I stand out of my chair and pick up my bag. "But I will come back sometime." I promise and Mrs. Avery nods her head.

"I'm proud of you Miley. Stay safe." She adds and I nod my head back at her and walk out of her office.

When I round the corner that Mrs. Avery sits at I see Lily leaning against the wall, her books in her hands. "Hey Miley." She smiles at me and I smile back her, glade to see her.

"what's up?" I ask as we start walking down the hall, in the direction of the class that we have togther.

"I just wanted to see how you are. What did she say?" Lily asks staring at me with concern.

I shrug my shoulders lazily and stare back at her. "Just ot keep coming back. She says she's proud of me. I mean, I think she knows I want to get better. And that I'm going to get there." I add and Lily nods her head, her long blond bouncing along her shoulders.

"That's amazing Miley. I'm so happy for you." Lily says as we reach our class.

I nod my head and start walking towards my regular seat. "Thanks." I say as we seat down, side by side.

"Want to go to my house after school?" Lily asks and I nod my head, nothing sounds better then that.

"Yeah, sure." I answer and Lily nods her head in reply.

"Great." She whispers as our teacher starts the class.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

Three hours after school Lily and I are laying on her bed staring at her ceiling. "My mom…seems okay." Lily says as she slips her hand into mine.

I nod my head and glance at Lily. Her eyebrows are furrowed into the middle of her forehead and she is looking really worried. "She was fine Lily, it's fine." I say as I think back to when we first arrived after school. Lily's mom was nice and welcoming….and the exact opposite of mad. She was perfect.

"Really?" Lily asks me staring at me.

I nod my head and offer Lily a smile. "Yes. Just chill out." I add and then laugh and Lily starts to laugh too.

"You're so right. You always are." She mumbles and I nod my head.

"Damn right." I answer and Lily laughs again and then pecks me gently on the lips.

"Right." She says and I stare into her eyes, feeling really content and happy, despite the last few months.

"Wow! Sorry, should knock." I glance away from Lily and at Oliver who is standing at her door.

"Shtu the hell up Oliver and get in here." I say sitting up on Liy's bed and pulling my ruffled shirt down. "What's up?" I ask in a more gentle tone.

Oliver digs his hands into his jean pockets as he walks towards us. "Well…we, as in all three of us, haven't had a chance to talk about all of this. I just wanted to make sure we were all okay. And that, Miley was." He glances at me and I give him a week smile.

Lily nods her head and points towards the empty spot on her bed. "We're all fine Oliver. Are you? I mean…about…" Lily glances from me and then at Oliver, who nods his head quickly.

"Yeah, of course. It's fine. I mean, I've kind of known about your crush for awhile Lily." Oliver says, a smile spreading over his face.

"What?" Lily asks glancing from him to me and back again. "What?" She repeats and stares at Oliver, her eyes wide.

"It's not like it was a surprise." He mumbles and I laugh, unable to help myself.

"Shut up!" Lily demands and I shake my head, still laughin.g

"I'm sorry." I say and Lily shakes her head as she folds her arms across her chest.

"Bullshit." She says and I pat her on the shoulder.

"Don't be embarrassed." I tell her and she gives me a small smile.

"Fine, whatever. Ollie is my best friend after all, so it's allowed." She agrees and Oliver shakes his head.

"You know I hate to be called that." He says firmly and Lily shrugs her shoulders.

"Payback is a bitch. Especially from me." Lily replies and I laugh again.

Watchign as Lily and Oliver innocently bicker, I fall against Lily's bedroom wall and realize that everything is going to be okay. Things are finally falling back into place and maybe, just maybe, our lives will get a little less rocky, and I will be able to get better. All the way. And on top of it, I may wind up being that happy, bubbly girl I was when I was fourteen. Maybe.

**THE END**


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